If there were a competition about who judges the most, I would win. I would also need to be on the judging panel because I am that good. I can judge anything. From paint color to body shape to hidden agendas to what is going on your mind. And I’m pretty much always right. At least it feels that way. 🙂 And that’s all that matters right?

If I’m on a walk, I will constantly be deciding whether I like this or that in everybody’s yard (a favorite past time). If I’m in the mall and not in my own world, I will be analyzing (almost unconsciously) everybody’s hair and clothes and body shape. And deciding what is good and bad. What should be different. What each thing says about the person doing it.

I literally can’t stop. Which means it’s an addiction.

But I just can’t imagine not having an opinion on everything! How do you stop having an opinions? Even if you decided to see the good in everything, you would still be judging it as “good”.

One of my coaches told me that when we judge others we are judging ourselves. How true. If there is one thing I am the most successfully judgmental about, it is myself. I have very clear, definitive opinions on everything about myself. What needs to be tweaked. How it can be better. What I am hopeless at. What my strengths are.

I know that you can’t fight addiction, you have to accept it and befriend it (resistance is futile), and figure out why you need the “substance” in the first place. What it’s giving you that you aren’t getting otherwise. Hmm, just thinking about this now. Stream of consciousness here so bear with me. It gives me a sense of order – where to place things in my hierarchy. It gives me a way to measure myself – figure out where I’m doing well and where I’m lacking. I can’t say it gives me a sense of superiority because I can always do better. It proves me to that….um…dunno.

So I guess I will leave this post at that and invite comments as to what an addiction to judgmentalness (judgmentality?) provides. Anybody else have any thoughts? Because once I know what it is giving me, I can choose to get that from somewhere else. And then discover what life is like without having an opinion on almost everything.