Why doesn’t this __(self-growth technique/program)__ work for me?

by Aimee Serafini on January 18, 2015

flickr gps 5313948558_f53f318d0a_mI know all of you are part of this community because you know your life can be even better, that there is more out there for you, and it’s a matter of finding or discovering what that is for you and releasing any blocks holding you back.

And so many of you try different techniques and programs from various self-growth experts, and then some of them don’t seem to work.

I’ve been there too, I am as much a self-growth junkie as you are!

Sometimes you are philosophical about it (it wasn’t for me), sometimes blaming (I must have done it wrong), sometimes suspicious (I was duped!), sometimes fatalistic (nothing works for me).

I read something recently that helped me put it into perspective.

It’s from a new favorite book recently released by Mike Dooley, The Top Ten Things Dead People Want to Tell You, and I thought I’d share it with you.

In it he likens our self-growth journey to setting out on a trip to a new destination using GPS. We drive and make the recommended turns, moving forward. And 5 minutes before we get there, because we aren’t there yet, we tell ourselves “This didn’t work for me” “It works for everyone but me” “I did the wrong thing”

When, if we just keep going on this same road for a short while, we get where we want to be! But we give up and start driving another 3 hours on a different road, hoping this one will work, and then give up 5 minutes before we get there too. Over and over again.

Your external reality would indicate that you were right, it didn’t work for you, because you never ended up at your destination. You have no way of knowing how close you were, every single time.

My take away from this was, that everything I do in the direction of where I want to go is helpful, useful, and prepares me for the next step I’m about to take. It might not be the last turn where I finally see the flashing lights saying YOU MADE IT!, but this latest program or technique or book might be the turn just before that. Or maybe I’m still even in the middle of the drive, who knows!

In the meantime, as I just keep driving and acting toward what I want, I just need to trust I’m making the right decisions and when I arrive, it will all make perfect sense.

Most importantly, I’m going to enjoy the drive along the way, the scenery, the people I meet, the interesting things I learn.

And probably after I get “there”, after enjoying it for a week or two, I’ll want to go somewhere else!

So even if the latest program doesn’t get you “there”, have faith you ARE making the right decisions and it is helping you exactly how it needs to to keep you on your path.

 

Let us know in the comments section below what this brings up for you.

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Debbie January 18, 2015 at 6:08 pm

So true, Aimee. The way I look at it, no one thing is going to be a perfect “fix”, but everything is a learning experience. I try to use my own judgement– not everything from every program vibes with me, or “works” for me, but in every program/ webinar I have listened to, there is usually at least one nugget of information that has taught me something, or referred me to something else from which I learned a lot… it is a process, not a recipe, and I would never trust anyone who claims to have all the answers. I would perhaps go even one step further than what you describe above– perhaps there is no “destination” in the traditional sense. So it’s not that we keep leaving before we get there, or not realizing that we are so close to the destination that is right around the corner. Rather, it’s all about the journey (as you say), with little mini destinations and milestones that we might not even recognize as we are passing through them. Only in retrospect can we actually see how far we’ve come, and where we still need to go. Perhaps this is kind of what you were saying, just put another way.

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Lynn January 18, 2015 at 7:39 pm

I too, keep just getting ” there” and I get scared that I’m doing something wrong. My internal voices can be so strong and I find myself wanting to run and hide. My coping mechanism is to shut down and don’t talk because I know ‘they’ are right. I know logically that ‘they’ aren’t always right, but changing my thoughts is hard especially when I expect the person who made the comment that was mean to be on my side. I want to believe that I am safe and I can trust myself. I want to be a health coach, but I am sabotaging myself because who will listen to me, I’m not sure even how to talk to people, or even if I know enough. I want to be able to be a health coach because I secretly find people fascinating and they intrigue me and I care about helping them but I have a hard time trusting myself

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Aimee Serafini January 19, 2015 at 9:35 pm

Lynn keep just taking the little tiny steps toward your goal, something that seems just a little scary but doable, and before you know it you will be there. We all struggle with the same things, you are not alone!

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anne January 18, 2015 at 10:17 pm

Love looking back and seeing how all the pieces fit together and as long as I follow my “yes”, I’m on my path….

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Aimee Serafini January 19, 2015 at 9:35 pm

I know, it can be crazy how something you did 3 years ago fits in now…love that part, and we even have such a limited view, it could be things we did at the age of 4 that are playing a part too!

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