So it might come as a shock to you, but as it turns out I’m never going to be perfect. At ANYTHING. I’m not even going to come close.
And then criticizing ourselves when we don’t measure up. Even though we can never measure up. I’ve had to struggle with this truth for most of my life. And I bet you have too.
Most women I know are always holding up the impossible standard of perfect to aspire to. The perfect daughter, girlfriend, wife, mother. Career. Athlete.
I looked it up and Michael Jordan missed one out of every two baskets (field goals) he attempted! He’s supposed to be the best there’s ever been, and even he failed half the time!
I think if Michael Jordan were a woman, he’d be reliving all the baskets he had missed. Saying well yes, I’m pretty good at basketball, but I should be better. I’m not good enough. Yet. I’ll celebrate then.
I’m not certain how we got here. Is it a lifetime of takings tests based on the 100% scale? If it is, then why aren’t boys as afflicted with it as we are?
What I do know is that striving for perfection is futile and soul defeating. It doesn’t feel good.
I have been making an effort in the past year to get really comfortable with good enough. More than comfortable – satisfied, delighted. Even when I know I have the capacity to improve. And choose to feel really good about those good enough results. It doesn’t mean I will be complacent, just that I will try and then feel good about whatever those results are. I might try again, but not because I’m beating myself up or feel compelled, but because I truly want to try again.
So my questions for you – what areas of your life could be more enjoyable if you were delighted about good enough?
And bonus question: Any thoughts why you think women (and some men) hold perfection as the goal?
PS. Subject of future post – I am actually perfect at one thing, being myself.
Aimee, I totally enjoyed this post! Gee, I thought I WAS perfect! LOL! Just kidding! You are right….we (most of us,that is) will never be perfect totally! It took me a while to learn this about myself. Now, I enjoy living and doing what I can and not worrying about if it is good enough. It makes everything more fun and less stressful! Thanks for this wonderful reminder! Can’t wait to read your next post.
That is the perfect I am seeking to be too – MYSELF! 🙂
Great post.
I was raised as a child with never being “good” enough…..There was always room for improvement. If I got straight A’s….maybe I was not enrolled in enough classes. This really was a problem in my life – my self image. Finally I have gotten to the place where I can laugh and say “I am not perfect”….I made 2 mistakes last year. How and why did I finally get to this place? A long story, but it was ultimately a lot of work and counseling and introspection. And worth it.
Oh you got me. I hate my imperfections. I know that no one is but I would love to make some of mine disappear! I’m glad we connected and I’m looking forward to reading more about you!
Aimee– This is so true. My first therapist reiterated over and over that I didn’t need to be perfect, I just needed to be good enough. That, truly, was news for me and I began cutting myself some slack. I am glad you mentioned your free e-book–I hope this giveaway is going well for everyone involved!
Love this and the whole concept of perfectionism…It took years and lots of hard work to say I am great!…Just the way I am!!
Gotta think on this one! Great for thought provocation though!! Thanks!!!
Excellent post, Aimee! I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with questioning whether it comes from a lifetime of taking tests based on the 100% scale. For me, that’s where it started…in school…with those tests. I am glad that I’ve come to realize that perfection is an illusion.
Hi Aimee,
Being perfect is a never ending target that keeps moving for me. I’m not perfect either and tend to be the kind that tries many things, instead of focusing on just one thing long enough to be an expert. My curiosity gets the best of me, but it works as I have experienced much in my life and I wouldn’t change a thing. Take care.
Good enough is often the leap necessary to make life more enjoyable. Excellence is a goal that should be dedicated to select tasks. Good enough is good enough for the rest.
This is a great reminder that I think needs to be made over and over again! We certainly can be our own worst critics, glossing over the triumphs and getting hung up on the *misses* – personally, I believe that it’s our imperfections that make life fun and interesting 🙂
Perfection is like trying futilely to protect yourself. The other shoe will drop. You will make a mistake. But you can handle it.
And if we were perfect all the time, how boring would be?
I completely agree – how boring is getting a 100% on every single test no matter what?
And I even think you can strive for excellence but not require perfect. And some not even for excellence. Just get her done.
I know – it’s so pervasive. I wish I knew why! Have women always been this way for thousands of years?
I love your closing comment that you are perfect in being yourself! I’ll join you in being perfectly imperfect!
Perfectionism was my forst name through my 20’s…I have come a long way and now by comparisson I am chill! LOL…but by comparisoon to my current family am still a perfectionsist…little do they know…I am working on some thingsnow…mainly my expectations. I am always striving for better, more, growth in my life and I tend to expect others to as well…i mean why not..why accept status quo… but i am surrounded with grumpy contentment and surrender and that is not what I want….I’ve now realized I can’t change them, only my response…but now to figure out to successfully acheive and balance the two without making myself or them crazy and going perfectionism postal…Lord knows if thatmakes any sense….lol
What’s that expression? That most of us compare our blooper reel with other people’s highlight reel. We see others’ strengths and our flaws. Perfection? Not so much. Welcome to the human race! Great post.
This is so spot on! When I gave up being perfect – or “done” – I opened a whole new world for myself.
Perfection … the bane of our existence. How many little girls were led to believe they needed to be perfect … and the list of “reasons why” is endless! It isn’t until we realize as adults how nonsensical the reasons were, acknowledge that fact and release them that anything will change.
I always tell myself that good enough is good enough. But then I catch myself sliding back into perfectionist tendencies to the point nothing gets done. I guess I’m still a work in progress. 🙂 Great post!