The relationship is what it is – or is it?

by Aimee Serafini on December 10, 2012

Most eastern and new age philosophy tells us that acceptance of what is is the key to happiness – or at least the key to *not unhappiness*. If we can’t accept our current circumstance, then we will always be miserable. But sometimes people take it the point of resignation. Meaning they give up on trying to improve it.

I find this especially true in relationships. It makes sense – if the other person is acting badly, how can you do anything but resign yourself to their behavior? You know you can’t change them. It might seem more peaceful to be resigned – what’s the use of beating your head against the wall?

couples fightingBut I think there is another option, that serves us better. It’s accepting that the person is behaving this way, right now, but not resigning ourselves to it always being that way. It’s not so much about hope, because that can seem so elusive, but realizing that things always change, and this will too.

Once we accept what is, but also that it can improve, this then gives us more freedom to take action without pinning all of our hopes on it. To try different things. To examine the cause without judgment, and see if we can change the pattern. It doesn’t mean that any or every action is going to work, just that there are options and we have the ability to choose to try different ones.

Say to yourself, “I accept that this relationship is not what I want.”


“I accept that this relationship is not what I want right now, but I choose to find a way to have more joy myself.”

Which one feels better?

What have you been telling yourself in your head about a painful relationship? How does that make you feel? Let me know in comments below.

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